solid ground

"The ground you stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you. And once that happens, you've had it: things'll never be the same. All you can do is go on living alone down there in the darkness."

Korigi to Mari in After Dark by Haruki Murakami




photo: Istockphoto/Sebastian Kaulitzki

sorry

http://www.bureauofcommunication.com/

boys in the club

After R left, with my high protein snacks (beans on toast and soft boiled egg) on hand, (i think i’ve been having a protein deficiency) I watched the rest of THX 1138. i had actually almost finished watching it the night before, but thought that there was a good portion left. i liked it, although when i tried to watch the making of video on the bonus materials section, i was suddenly filled with a deep anger and resentment towards the special boys in the club feeling that i got watching george lucas, francis ford coppola and spielberg talking about the “humble” student film beginnings of the film. through association i impulsively decided that i didn’t like the film anymore. although to be really honest with myself, i deeply appreciated it- the cinematics and the speculative fiction aspect of it.

hide from me

Sometimes other people have a simpler more straightforward way of saying certain truths that are hopelessly blurred for me. Case in point:

"It's a special kind of cruelty to ignore someone who loves you.

i hope no one ever hurts you as badly as you've hurt me.

i hope you can love someone completely someday.

i hope i find someone who loves me like you did, but who never hides from me like you do."

excerpt from The Woman to The Man
A Drunk Email Is Forever
Rosylyn Rhee

The Great Chinese State Circus

which one do you like better?

(it takes a lot for me to like watching boys more than glistening girls, but.... I think you know my vote.)



Enur Featuring Natasja - Calabria 2008 Lyrics

Easy now no need fi(as in for) go down,
easy now no need fi go down,

rock that run that, this where we from
(repeat 2x)

Whoop Whoop
When you run come around,
Cu(z) I kno ur the talk of the town yea
(repeat 4x)

Easy now no need fi go down
Just walk it gently and no break nah bone,
Cool end-it-ly, you have a style of your own,
Me never kno you saw ya master the saxsaphone

cause u sound like the talk of the town yea,
imma lock u when u run come around yea,
make me wobble, make me whole body bubble,
an me no say ya trouble, when ya ready for the double,
and n u hit that,
no ti-na the mickle (????)
play with it a lickle(as in little), why you so na tickle
im tellin' you to, hit that

no ti-na the mickle (????)
stay with it a lickle(as in little), why you so na tickle
im feelin' them
(whoop whoop)

easy now no need fi go down,
easy now no need fi go down,
walk it gently and no break nah bone

Whoop Whoop
When you run come around,
Cu(z) I kno ur the talk of the town yea
(repeat 4x)

Best shown overall, shiny and tall,
One touch make a gal climb whoever you are,
Brass hat, hatter(as in hotter) than fireball
Whoop Whoop!
You not small you not lickle(as in little) at all
Dat touch, just dip on me mind yea
The good feelin dip on rewind yea
make me wobble, make me whole body bubble,
an me no say ya trouble, when ya ready for the double,
and n u hit that,
no ti-na the mickle (????)
play with it a lickle(as in little), why you so na tickle
im tellin' you to, hit that
no ti-na the mickle (????)
stay with it a lickle(as in little), why you so na tickle
im feelin' them

Walk it gently and no break nah bone

easy now no need fi go down,
easy now no need fi go down,
rock that run that, this where we from
(repeat 2x)

Whoop Whoop
When you run come ... (less)

i heart reggaeton

"Como Se Dice...Como Se llama? (OBAMA, OBAMA)"
Oye mi gente este es un hombre preperado...
La esperanza ha llegado.
Como Se Dice...Como Se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA! (Repeat four times)

Dicen que no contamos...
Invisibles porque no votamos...
Pero aqui estamos y todo esto va cambiar...
We did the marchas y ahora vamos a votar.
Listen to me gente, es tiempo para algo diferente..
What we need is un nuevo presidente...
Como Se Dice...Como Se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA! (Repeat two times)

Los Mexicanos como se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA!
Puerto Riqueños, como se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA!
Los Peruanos, como se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA!

En esta gran nacion ya no existe una buena educacion,
Dicen todo el dinero va a la imigracion
Es facil culpar el que no vota
El gigante Latino esta que brota
Despierta!
Vamos a eligir a quien de veras entienda...
Como Se Dice...Como Se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA! (Repeat four times)

Los Colombianos, como se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA!
Dominicanos, como se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA!
Los Cubanos, como se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA!
Los Brasilieros, como se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA!
Salvadoreños, como se llama?
OBAMA! OBAMA! Latinos!!!
La esperanza ha llegado.
Como Se Dice...Como Se llama? (Repeat)

more about latino supporters

pregnant beauty

story

a die-able viable age

A die-able viable age.
A live-able workable home.

After years of visiting julie in untenable spaces, in places of sparse furnishings, haphazard things and spun out spaces, this was a healing. a breathing. a warm breezy floating bankside.

curtains on the windows!
vases on the kitchen counter!
fresh produce in the fridge!
handsoap on the bathroom sink!

tea, lemons, ice

intentionally placed items. beads- a necklace.

how far you've come. how far we've gone.
coming up on 3 years in recovery- and the work is being done. the steps.

things we lost in the fire and the god of small things.

my love

tube head day

after adventures late into the night the next day is a tube head day.

sister and i went out the other night and had us some doings. there was a ballerina who did interpretive ballet to a bad live country rock band, and then to possibly an even worse hip hop-rock band. she was given a wide berth for her grandiose pirouettes and twirls. we became friends, my praise of her graceful dancing encouraged her to dance even more performatively. sister rolled her eyes often at me for "always talking to the weirdos", but she ate her words later. i left the two cozies together in the booth and went to dj with the dorky sound guy's ipod for awhile. i looked over to see if they appreciated my albeit slightly dissonant mix of alberto balsam and warren g's the regulators and behold! ballerina was lunging forward to smooch sister's exposed neck!

suffice to say that sister glared at me real hard for a while after that while i gleefully giggled on the dance floor.

victory dance

We acknowledged R's move to begin a new life by having an acid party. I'd never tried to coordinate something like this before, as previous attempts to bring together a group of friends have usually failed since often those I love most are extremely different from each other, and don't necessarily have chemistry.


jy called it a "hellokitty-lordoftheflies-but-with-girls" kind of experience.
b said it surpassed her highest expectations.
we wore yellow streamer bandanas, set fire to the hello kitty piñata with a large bottle of lighter fluid, dripped red wax on our hands until we became crustaceans.

i like pushing the idea of hostessing to the heights of making all things as trippy and crazy as possible for all fucked up guests

while also maintaining a feeling of fun and goodness

R saidit was like a dream

it was maniacal

we were all literally guffawing for hours- a full 8 hour workday/night

i fell alot, i have bruises all over my legs

i've never done acid with more than one person and liked it

i was performing a lot of the night which wasn't totally ideal

but it was what everyone was sort of expecting

there was one incredible moment for me

that was captured on polaroid

i got this pretty book for the guest book idea

it had alternating pages of white and plastic sleeve for scrapbooking

jm brought her polaroid camera

we were supposed to take pictures for each page for each person so they could write something

so there was a lot of picture taking all night

i've never tripped with cameras before either

i started bellowing if there isn't a picture of it did it really happen?

anyway

i was flailing around in the kitchen with a bottle of cabernet sauvignon giving speeches

i did give speeches!

it was all in the plan

the bottle was unopened

i kept forgetting i wanted some

it was a prop more like

for gesturing

there was a group at the kitchen table watching

and laughing the whole time

i wasn't taking myself very seriously

nor were they

serious loss of motor control

anyway i eventually found the bottle opener

one of those fancy ones

and i was poking and prodding

i guess it looked a bit dangerous maybe

like i shouldn't be handling anything sharp in my state

or have glass in my hand maybe

anyway i kept going with my speech distract everyone, they stopped worrying

in a last shocking pull, i very expertly popped out the cork and there was literally a chorus of shocked "wow!!!"s like it was magic

like how could such a ridiculous fucked up person have done such a skillful move

and when i realized that it was so impressive

i did a weird little victory dance with the cork held up above my head like a trophy

and someone took a picture

the polaroid developed in minute and there was a squawking all around

the picture was CRAZY

i looked happier than i have ever seen myself look before

my face was a picture of unfiltered joy and i looked like i was 3 and i was jumping in the air

no one could believe it

i kept asking is that really in me???

really?

did you know?

that THAT is in me?