berlin diaries episode 1

Berlin Diaries Episode 1 from Jennifer Hsu on Vimeo.

Please email us questions about berlin or about anything else you're curious about for our next show... probably tonight.

mascot marmot

genealogy of the electric guitar
call to art
chinese paper cut outs

camera obscura
there is no first

(and foxes root around in the trash)

unknown bleeding
i'm hurt on the inside?

trod trod trod
up the hill down the hill
sudden rain
SUN
thunder

glacial run off that make rapids
white water
lakes and sheep shit

points of charge radiate out
every direction
like dry charge in the car door
avert the shock use your butt
slam



don't look they're looking
don't look at me

one day i'll be able to talk in class
one day i'll show my stuff
one day i'll be free

if only ukuleles and islander joy
were alpine supine
and here

(can't love you anymore if you're pregnant again)



the thing is how there's an edge
to exaltation and pain
don't fucking judge me
pretentious prick

let's get pizza beer weed (hash?)
do standing tree pose
don't kick him

i love you

thermonasty

Plant movement responses to temperature (thermonasty) and daily rhythms of
light and dark (nyctinasty)

leveling

worlds of knowledge are being leveled, almost daily here.

already what i have deconstructed in my religion of tripping is being stripped of the wavering foundation it has to reveal a little bit of fleshy nub.

i am being taught by a man of the most brilliant relationship to language and i come into focus and blur at speeds.

and the men.

the boys the transgressing naughty dark monsters that come out at mid night.

fixation fetishization obsession transfixion

i was pushed to the tip levity above the abyss

but walked trembingly backwards

i'm ok now

my hold on words is tenuous this is exactly what i needed
the edge is frightening and i'm drinking to attenuate
anxiety
spray wipe away the muck
love lingers in shadows

head surrounded by sides of beef

in this distance, i feel deeply unsettled, an extension of the conflict with my father that faded into a background of sadnesses and trespass:

silence.

my childhood is a place of unrequited need of an unconsummated desire to peace.

i'm sorry to be self absorbed i'm sorry to be consumed i'm collapsing in a self shame i wish i could be better more good stronger.

will micah forget me? has he already? will he forgive me for my absence? (perhaps equally as importantly, will tabitha?)

this is actually the view from my room!

airports, trains

packing for graduate school in saas-fee, switzerland

the books... can't bring all of them... can't read all of them in time!




















hard decisions had to be made about which clothes to bring...














there ensued serious disarray in my room...


















b and jmz were the travel fashion consultants




little tiny piles of clothes



























the Packing Consultant had to try on some of the clothes, of course, to make sure I'd be warm enough.











one last ukulele session with la maestra of beautiful islander music daisy

grilling at the park

stolen from jaymee's moblog

leaving... on a jet plane

"hijab flying" photography by Rania Matar


photograph by Rosanna Solania

bruised Young Pioneer

"One Day in 2004 No. 6" by Cui Xiuwen