embrace through bars

video & full story

It's interesting that in all the commentary about the miracle of this lion hug and kiss that there is no mention of the obstruction of the red bars between them. We could live in harmony with the other ruling beasts! if only we didn't cage them and insult them at every turn with our unique claim to intelligence.

But perhaps it really would be a Freudian nightmare of wish fulfillment like in eileen's dream- we subjugate them because they would prey on us otherwise. Or like jeremy would always say, our pet felines are only loving because of their relative size; if they were larger they would never tolerate us.

the subtlety of my unconscious

i was quite literally just walking around, on the street or whatever, thinking in my head, "what a tragedy there aren't more large terrestrial mammals in north america".
and then this huge bear came around the corner of a building snarling right in my face, it was terrifying, so i took off running in the opposite direction, and noticing more bears emerging from other areas, from behind mailboxes and whatnot. and then the rest of the dream was me running around, eluding angry bears, thinking about how much better it had been when there were no large terrestrial mammals.

i'd rather live in the lush of the bright underworld. it looks softer and promises new sensations without getting fucked up.

sequestered

my sequestered rage is starting to seep out of its seclusion within the cordons of my heart.

god's joke

one of the things I miss

i dreamt that jeremy and i caught a large squid type creature in a team-like underwater fashion.

he pounced on it and grabbed a hold of the "neck" while i encased the body in a bag until we could close the bag together. i was afraid that the suction cups on its tentacles would glom onto my face and poison me, but they turned out to be harmless. we had just jumped into the water and were wearing street clothes, so it created a very exhilarating effect to triumph over this creature in a unified and spontaneous effort.

we exchanged self-satisfied and happy looks over the bag with the vanquished creature in it before resurfacing.

Our plan was to eat it for a gourmet dinner. that's one of the things I miss most about our life together. the last minute elaborate ideas we would sometimes have about dinner. the adventure dinners we had over the years- on saturdays at home, or on any day camping, roadtripping, or travelling abroad.

i learned to stop being a food-hating anorexic by eating experimental intimate meals with jeremy.

wipe my ass from the back

"You also taught me what a tampon applicator is, to wipe my ass from the back, to see a doctor when I'm sick, and to try to experience life through my own beady eyes."
to quote Julie exactly